Friday, August 22, 2008

Stop calling me.....

It takes such a difficult path to forget you and all the incidents happened between us. When receiving your call or your sms, I need a few days to 're-adjust' my emotion. I am sick and tired of all these ..........

Please help, I really don't wish to receive anything or any news about you. Can somebody help me to convey the message......

I don't want to live in a grey world anymore..................

Monday, August 11, 2008

Changing

Lying in bed wallowing through my mind and unable to sleep, I had a real epiphany;
Maybe it isn't me who has changed, perhaps time has changed me. Changed the way I see the world. I have struggled for so long in a chasm between doing the right thing and doing what I want. I've held on to the past with everything I have.
When the pain in my heart would begin to ease away, I would dredge it to the surface again with old memories, because it was recognisable. Moving on and starting over seemed so dangerous, so inexplicable, and that caused the sadness to reach so deeply. I have explored every corner of my mind, imagined every realistic and every insane outcome of my future. But I never imagined walking forward and leaving this behind, the past was always the deciding factor of my future.
And in some respects, it always will be. I will always be cautious and guarded, perhaps quieter and more thoughtful. I will not repeat the actions I've taken, the mistakes I've made, and I won't ever forget the feelings I had or the things that have happened. But I will stop throwing up walls to protect myself. And although the existing ones cannot come down, they will cease to cause so much discord. Perhaps my answers to simple questions will no longer be bitter and jaded, perhaps my automatic suspicion of everyone and everything will subside.Perhaps not every part of me wants to release its grip, but I know that as a whole I am finally ready. Time has begun to heal the wounds it has made, time has prepared me, made me stronger, and allowed me to just let go.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Vacation in Sabah



I just came back from a vacation in Sabah... Such a nice trip .....Let me share something with you.

Look, this is the photo I took from my hotel when I arrived, does it impress you?





This is the evening shot taken after scrolling in their Weekend Market.






On the second day, went to an island surrounded by the serene waters of South China Sea, Dinawan Island is reachable via speedboat from the Marina Sutera jetty in approximately 25 minutes.
This premier island resort is built on a lustrous tropical rainforest in the midst of clear, blue sea with warm and gentle blowing sea breeze. It is built with minimum disturbance to the natural surroundings - an excellent place to engulf oneself in tranquil island atmosphere.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Best Friend




Looking back through the years,
I can't believe how long
We have been best friends,
Through good times and bad.


When I needed someone to cry,
With me and laugh together
Give me a shoulder to lean on,
And a hug to make me feel better.
You know how true it is,
When you know that no matter what
Happens or goes on down the road,
That there will always be best friends.

So as time passes and days go by,
Just remember that when you need me
That no matter what time or place,
I will always be there by your side, my best friend.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

True from my mind

I've been in search of many things. I just discover that I have many thoughts that I should write down, to remember them. I'm always living in an emotional rollercoaster and sometimes I get dizzy and sick of it. It feels like being alive with all of your senses, all of them focused in one thing: EMOTIONS
Life has thought me how to enjoy de "high" moments, and the "down" ones too. But how to stay in the middle? or should I say; How to enjoy to be completely normal?

If I'm happy, I'm working, i feel creative, i feel alive, I'm OK but then at a sudden... everything that made me smile, happy or alive... comes down. Do I have a reason? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But it doesn't matter as when i feel that darkness coming out of nowhere I start to enjoy that kind of feeling too, its a kind of a melancholic anxiety, and it makes all wrong. I get tired of my work, I feel out of hope and most of all I feel blue. My expectations seem so far away from me sometimes. I'm so confused sometimes... most of them. If I have you... I'm OK but then my mind starts talking to me saying things that honestly ... they all make sense, but instead of hearing and paying attention to that voice, I don't know why but I end doing exactly the opposite. And then, a freaking brainstorm attacks me cause I didn't act the way my brain told me too, why?

Well I guess I'm not very sure of what I want, or maybe I've been confused all the time and I didn't know it. How can I explain to my brain that is not that I'm crazy or immature. Is just that brains has nothing to do with feelings. Since my acts are according to my heart and sensibility, anyways...How can I pay attention to my brain if its all damaged?I like to be true to myself, does it make me happier? Well I guess not, but it made everything more intense, it made everything on me more authentic.... its like been you with no mask, no intention to have one.

I've been so true to myself, that I'm still with you. Even if my head says no. And not because I'm falling in love with you, it's because these are my beliefs, I believe in relationships... I believe in the need of certain persons in certain moments, I believe in sharing special moments with persons, I believe in making memories, I believe in making them and the thing is... you just see the same ol' same ol' you are used to... instead of really looking at me. I don't know if being apart from moralities and customs is something positive to me. Many people say they want to be independent.... free... I want exactly the opposite. I need limits.I know and I'm completely conscient that I've chosen and "openminded" way of living, I don't know if this is the best choice, sometimes I doubt, sometimes I panic... and all those times I think of you too.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Clean and Tidy



The most important places to keep clean and tidy are my mind and heart. If I allow thoughts to flourish that I wouldn't want to see the light of day, I can never have any real self-respect. By starting each day in quiet reflection and pouring positive, loving thoughts into my mind, I gradually clean out cynicism and unkindness.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Sickening Society

Sick Sick Sick this is what I hate the most.
Why do people fall sick? Most people assume that germs and genes cause disease. The germ theory has brought us a long way, and genetic theory promises to take us even further. But there is still a mystery surrounding why certain people get sick while others don't. For example, studies show that if cold virus is placed directly into a person's nose, the chance of getting a cold is about 1 in 8; being exposed to chill, damp, or a draft doesn't increase these odds.
Every day each of us inhales or ingests enough germs to cause a variety of diseases we never contract. Some sort of "control by the host" seems to be at work. This refers to the body's ability to live with disease-causing agents without getting sick. Germs aren't the only factor. Statistics show that severely ill people often wait until a significant date has passed, such as Christmas or their birthday, before suddenly dying. Studies going back to the Korean War showed that young soldiers in their early twenties had serious blockage of their coronary arteries, yet the disease doesn't show up until middle age.
Not everyone exposed to HIV contracts the virus, and in a few rare instances, those with AIDS have reversed their viral status form positive t negative. Why, then, would you or I get sick when someone else equally at risk doesn't?
The best way to get sick is to suffer from as many of the following conditions as possible:
--Unsanitary conditions: massive exposure to germs remains a major factor
--Being poor: poverty degrades life on all fronts, including health.
--High stress: physical and psychological stress damage the immune system.
--Depression and anxiety: untreated psychological disorders weaken resistance to a wide range of diseases, perhaps even cancer
--Lack of coping mechanisms: stress by itself is a negative factor, but the inability to bounce back form it is more important.
--Lack of control, victimization: all stresses become much worse if you feel that you have no control over your own life.
--Inertia, sedentary lifestyle: if you are inactive and have no outside interests, you chance of getting sick rises sharply
--Feeling alone and unloved: emotional deprivation is as unhealthy as deprivation of good food.
--Sudden loss: the sudden loss of a job or spouse, a reversal in finances, or finding yourself in the midst of a war or natural disaster all constitute a state of loss and lead to higher risk of getting sick.
--Growing old: once considered a major cause of illness, aging is now known not to be a direct cause.
Being healthy into your eighties should be your expectation, but if you neglect yourself in old age, the body becomes vastly more susceptible to disease.None of these factors comes as a huge surprise, since public health officials have drummed into us that most illness in modern society is a "lifestyle disease" born of stress, lack of exercise, and other factors external to germs. But I think most people still assume that being fat, for example, is worse for you than stress, which certainly isn't the case. Outside of diabetes and joint problems, it's hard to find a serious link between moderate overweight and any disorder, while stress and its offshoots are major risks.
They exaggerate the effect of aging. Yet in the absence of high blood pressure and artery disease, most people will live a very long time, probably in good health until they contract their final illness. (I've covered a dozen other common beliefs, both true and false, in earlier posts recently).
But the mystery of who specifically gets sick remains unsolved, in part because there are subtle factors that few experts have adequately examined.
--Some people get sick because they expect to.
--Some people get sick, or sicker, after they are diagnosed with a disease.
--Disease brings certain benefits, known as "secondary gain," that make it positive. The classic example is a child who pretends to be sick in order to get more love and attention, but adults find secondary gains of their own, such as not having to take responsibility for their lives or finding an escape from a situation they can't cope with.--Some people get sick because they want to give up, or even die.
--Some people have nothing better to do than to get sick.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Finding and keeping a life partner



When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, none wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach tofinding Mr./Miss. Right!


If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on-love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's aprofound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious aboutfinding and keeping a life partner.


QUESTION ..1:

Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage:

(1) You can grow together, or

(2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3:

Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on aregular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ';. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually amaterialistic person is not someone whose top priority is characterrefinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable willput personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to knowthat before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4:

How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, taxidrivers, cleaners, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn'tdo your homework. Another perspective. ..There are some people in your life that need to be loved from adistance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or atleast minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.Pay attention... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones dont appreciate you? Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving andcaring words or annotations. The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love andtruth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of yourlife. An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't makesomeone love you or make someone stay.If you develop self steem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Seeking status, sex, and security are thewrong reasons to be in a relationship. WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,etc.)

7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

9.GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

10. CONCERN AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode asresentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.