I've been in search of many things. I just discover that I have many thoughts that I should write down, to remember them. I'm always living in an emotional rollercoaster and sometimes I get dizzy and sick of it. It feels like being alive with all of your senses, all of them focused in one thing: EMOTIONS
Life has thought me how to enjoy de "high" moments, and the "down" ones too. But how to stay in the middle? or should I say; How to enjoy to be completely normal?
If I'm happy, I'm working, i feel creative, i feel alive, I'm OK but then at a sudden... everything that made me smile, happy or alive... comes down. Do I have a reason? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But it doesn't matter as when i feel that darkness coming out of nowhere I start to enjoy that kind of feeling too, its a kind of a melancholic anxiety, and it makes all wrong. I get tired of my work, I feel out of hope and most of all I feel blue. My expectations seem so far away from me sometimes. I'm so confused sometimes... most of them. If I have you... I'm OK but then my mind starts talking to me saying things that honestly ... they all make sense, but instead of hearing and paying attention to that voice, I don't know why but I end doing exactly the opposite. And then, a freaking brainstorm attacks me cause I didn't act the way my brain told me too, why?
Well I guess I'm not very sure of what I want, or maybe I've been confused all the time and I didn't know it. How can I explain to my brain that is not that I'm crazy or immature. Is just that brains has nothing to do with feelings. Since my acts are according to my heart and sensibility, anyways...How can I pay attention to my brain if its all damaged?I like to be true to myself, does it make me happier? Well I guess not, but it made everything more intense, it made everything on me more authentic.... its like been you with no mask, no intention to have one.
I've been so true to myself, that I'm still with you. Even if my head says no. And not because I'm falling in love with you, it's because these are my beliefs, I believe in relationships... I believe in the need of certain persons in certain moments, I believe in sharing special moments with persons, I believe in making memories, I believe in making them and the thing is... you just see the same ol' same ol' you are used to... instead of really looking at me. I don't know if being apart from moralities and customs is something positive to me. Many people say they want to be independent.... free... I want exactly the opposite. I need limits.I know and I'm completely conscient that I've chosen and "openminded" way of living, I don't know if this is the best choice, sometimes I doubt, sometimes I panic... and all those times I think of you too.
Life has thought me how to enjoy de "high" moments, and the "down" ones too. But how to stay in the middle? or should I say; How to enjoy to be completely normal?
If I'm happy, I'm working, i feel creative, i feel alive, I'm OK but then at a sudden... everything that made me smile, happy or alive... comes down. Do I have a reason? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But it doesn't matter as when i feel that darkness coming out of nowhere I start to enjoy that kind of feeling too, its a kind of a melancholic anxiety, and it makes all wrong. I get tired of my work, I feel out of hope and most of all I feel blue. My expectations seem so far away from me sometimes. I'm so confused sometimes... most of them. If I have you... I'm OK but then my mind starts talking to me saying things that honestly ... they all make sense, but instead of hearing and paying attention to that voice, I don't know why but I end doing exactly the opposite. And then, a freaking brainstorm attacks me cause I didn't act the way my brain told me too, why?
Well I guess I'm not very sure of what I want, or maybe I've been confused all the time and I didn't know it. How can I explain to my brain that is not that I'm crazy or immature. Is just that brains has nothing to do with feelings. Since my acts are according to my heart and sensibility, anyways...How can I pay attention to my brain if its all damaged?I like to be true to myself, does it make me happier? Well I guess not, but it made everything more intense, it made everything on me more authentic.... its like been you with no mask, no intention to have one.
I've been so true to myself, that I'm still with you. Even if my head says no. And not because I'm falling in love with you, it's because these are my beliefs, I believe in relationships... I believe in the need of certain persons in certain moments, I believe in sharing special moments with persons, I believe in making memories, I believe in making them and the thing is... you just see the same ol' same ol' you are used to... instead of really looking at me. I don't know if being apart from moralities and customs is something positive to me. Many people say they want to be independent.... free... I want exactly the opposite. I need limits.I know and I'm completely conscient that I've chosen and "openminded" way of living, I don't know if this is the best choice, sometimes I doubt, sometimes I panic... and all those times I think of you too.
1 comment:
ya you are right , life is like a roller coaster ,you dont always go up, you have to come down sometimes
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